Month 1: Freeze Frame Time

HAPPY 1 MONTH BIRTHDAY my little wild things!    Crazy to think that my tiny little angels are one month old already (and 39 weeks tomorrow)!  So much has happened I don’t even know where to start.

Last weekend Granny K (my mom) and I went to the hospital to “room in” with little Miss Kimberlyn.  Rooming in means you stay in large family room that is just like a hotel room and take care of your baby all night with no nurses, no wires, no alarms to make sure you are all ready to handle life at home.  The situation had caused me tears and sleepless nights.  I was so thankful that my baby girl was finally strong enough and healthy enough to come home, but also didn’t want to leave my little man so far away and all by himself. 

My prayers were answered.  When we showed up at the hospital we got the news that Camden would be able to room in and go home on Sunday too!  I was totally overwhelmed with joy!...and fear!  It was a long and crazy night but we made it!  The next few days all run together!  CRAZY TIRED…CRAZY BUSY…BUT NEVER BEEN HAPPIER!!

It was a week of many first: first real baths, first doctor appointments, first visitors, first outing.  Not just a first for them but a first for ALL of us!  All of which were learning experiences that had their highs and lows.  All of which could be their own story if I had the time.  All of which I might not have made it through without help from the team!

My favorite first is that my new and improved family is together at home for the first time.  I love walking into their room to find Cole lying on the bed with both of them.  It completely melts my heart to see the way he looks them then smiles at me.   “These are the moments that make me wish I could freeze frame time.” –Brandon Ryder

Two Peas in ONE pod....

Another week and a half has already come and gone.  My kids are now two and a half weeks old and are 37 weeks today.  So much has happened I don’t even know where to start.  I didn’t go to the Ronald McDonald house like planned.  After spending the weekend at home with friends and family (especially my husband) I couldn’t go back to living away from my house and by myself.  It was a hard and emotional decision but I think I made the right one.  I was able to stay home but only because my amazing family took turns driving me to Austin every day for a little over a week. Thanks again team!

The caffeine seems to be working for the most part.  They still have little spells but nothing like before.  Apparently it stimulates their brains and keeps all their body functions going with no crazy episodes like we had that first weekend.    

So far it seems like I hit their personalities right on the money.  Camden is so chilled.  He hardly ever gets upset and sleeps most of the time.  Cole thinks he looks like a little old man (he kind of does!) he has lots of curly hair around his head but not much on top.  I think it’s adorable.  Kimberlyn is my little pistol.  She gets quite upset when you change her or when her passie falls out of her mouth or whenever she feels like it.  Her legs go strait and stiff, her face turns red, and her heart rate goes crazy high.  My favorite thing she does is “kissy face”; she squinches up her face and pinches up her lips.  I love them both SO much!!

In the beginning feedings were around 3-5cc each and are now up to 32-35cc per feeding.  Kimberlyn is taking a bottle every other feeding and doing great eating!  Camden on the other hand is having lots of reflux issues and only takes a bottle twice a day.  All other feeds are given to them through their feeding tubes that are in their nose.  Feeding Camden still makes me a little nervous.  He usually spits up which causes him to choke which causes his heart rate to drop which causes his alarm to go off at least once each feeding.  You would think by now I would just expect it and not get scared but it is something I will never get use to.  Even though I can now stay calm and deal with it myself my heart still skips a beat.

I had my two week check up this Monday.  I got to see my favorite hospitalist, Dr. Fitzwater.  During my 2 month stay at the hospital he became more than a doctor; more like an emotional rock and a friend!  He missed the delivery of my kids by one day so it was a nice to catch up.  I hope someday I can introduce him to my kids since he played such a big role in keeping me positive, happy, and healthy for such a long time.

Camden and Kimberlyn were placed in a bed together on Wednesday.  I was told that means we are one step closer to going home!  Hopefully Camden can teach his sissy to be more relaxed and Kimber can teach her bubby to drink from a bottle!  I love going in and seeing them snuggled up together.  I think of all the great things they will do together in the years to come and how no matter what they will always have a best friend.  I often just hold them and stare at them, amazed at how Cole and I made such sweet adorable creatures.  God is good, all the time, God is good!  I can’t wait to have them home so our little family can be together every day!

One week of NICU: GOD GAVE ME YOU

My sweet little babies are a week old!  I am completely emotionally drained but with each passing day things get that much easier.  Here is what the week held.

The first day I was just emotionally tired.  I loved hearing stories from my family of how my babies were doing, but it was also hard to listen to without seeing for myself.  I had been the only one with them 24-7 for the past 34 weeks and now I was the only one who couldn’t see them. 

Mom stayed with me the first two nights after having my c-section.  The day of the c-section I didn’t think it was that bad.  The next morning I took it ALL back!  I hurt everywhere!  Even though it hurt SO bad to move and walk I was determined to make it to the bathroom and back to bed so I could lose the dang catheter and go see my babies!  Mom had to help me every step I took.  In fact SHE was sore the next few days too!  The time came and Cole and mom took me to the NICU for the first time.  Cole amazed me!  He already knew what all the wires were, what numbers meant what, the process of taking their temps, changing them, the whole works!  He seemed to know so much and me so little that it almost made me feel not needed. 

Dad spent the next two nights with me.  Most of what I remember was the excitement of getting to go see my babies, the tiredness and soreness of being on bed rest and having a c-section, and the frustration of trying to pump.  Since they were preemies younger than 35 weeks (by 5 days) they were started on donor breast milk.  This would give me 5 days to get things rolling on my own.  I know this wouldn’t be a job of most males but my dad stepped right up and was supportive and helpful through the process and so was Cole.  Janet one of my nurses helped me too by celebrating each drop with me.  I started my last blog on one of these nights as well.  I found myself reading it silently and crying.  All the other ones I had written I would finish and read aloud to my belly; my belly that was now empty.

Friday came and I was being discharged.  Talk about overwhelming!  I wanted to be home so bad but didn’t want to leave my babies!  One of the case works from the NICU got me set up with the Ronald McDonald house staring on Monday.  The plan was to spend the weekend at home and then the rest of the week at the RMcD house so I could take milk and visit every day without having to find someone to drive me.  Dad drove me home.  The ride was a little painful so I closed my eyes to rest.  Next thing I knew we were exiting for home.  Again I was overwhelmed with emotion.  First time I had seen that exit in almost 2 months!  My fur babies went CRAZY! I was so glad they hadn’t forgotten me. 

Saturday Cole and I made our first trip back to the hospital.  We were hoping for a nice relaxing “kangaroo” time. (They place one of our babies in just their diaper and beanie on your bare chest.  They sleep and snuggle skin to skin for about an hour while taking a feeding through their tube.)  I had done it the day before with Camden and absolutely LOVED it.  I couldn’t wait for Cole to have the same feelings.  It didn’t go as planned.  Cole had Camden and me Kimber.  Their alarms were going off every 5 seconds because they were forgetting to breath, Camden kept turning purple and Cole would have to pat his back to help him, other babies were crying…I hit bottom!  The doctor came to talk to us before we left.  She said they would be starting them both on caffeine that night to help develop their brain so they would stop having those little apneas.  I cried on and off the whole way home with Cole holding my hand.  That night Weldon & Alyson, Mom & Wade, Court & Paul, Ben, and Nancy came over and cooked fajitas.  It was nice to be home and around people I love so much.   

Sunday mom went with me to the hospital.  Everything about Sunday made up for how scary Saturday was.  No need for words, this picture explains it all....

God Gave Me You by Blake Shelton is the new theme song of my life right now.  “God gave me you for the ups and downs.  God gave me you for the days of doubt.” Through every step of this long emotional journey someone has been there to help me through it: certain doctors and nurses, my family, facebook, my friends, my husband, the lady with the twins in the bathroom, my babies, Mrs. Alice, (I could go on for hours)  Happy 1 week of life my little Wild Things!

a scary day....DELIVERY day!!

Babies are now 4 days (now a week cause I never finished!) old so I’m going off everything that stuck in memory. 

Sunday night Cole came down and we took our cafeteria food outside, closest thing to a date we had had in quite some time!  He spent the night and left around six in the AM.  I felt fine at the time; extra full like I had been, just a little harder to breathe.  The day went on like normal.  I had my sonogram like I do every Monday and as usual….babies looked great.  We figured that I couldn’t breathe because Kimber had her legs straight out in my ribs.  I had a few contractions during the sono so they decided to put the babies on the monitors a little earlier than normal.    They hooked me up and I was contracting every 2-3 minutes.  They called Dr. Monks who was on call, but this was kind of one of my bad habits I tended to pull to keep everyone on their toes.  He hated to disturb my cervix since it was down to nothing and decided to just leave me on monitors a little longer in hopes the contractions would calm down by themselves like I tended to do.  They kept asking if they were painful and the only answer I could give was that it was hard to breathe. 

About an hour into contractions not calming down he decided that checking my cervix was worth the risk.  I knew I was in trouble when he asked where my husband was and how fast he could get here!  When I told him about an hour and 45 mins his response was “tell him to make it an hour and 30 mins!”  Apparently the twins liked 10-10-11 for their birthday because I was already dilated to 4 cm.  I had time to call Cole and tell him this time was no joke to get here as quick as possible and send a text to both our immediate families saying today was the day; twins would be here in the next few hours.  Next thing I know I’m in an OR prep room focusing on deep slow breathes so my chills wouldn’t shake the whole bed.  It wasn’t because of pain just from being clammy and nervous (I think).  Luckily my dad had the day off and was already close to the hospital when he got my text.  He sat and talked to me while they started IVs and checked my blood counts again (hoping that my platelets had magically gone up since last night and I wouldn’t have to be put all the way under).  It seemed like Cole and the platelet count came right around the same time.  I was overjoyed for both; daddy was here and the stress of labor made my platelet count go up high enough for a spinal!

They had me on the OR bed in no time and everything beyond this point seemed SO surreal.  I had gotten the spinal (which wasn’t near as bad as I imagined), all bundled up (due to my uncontrollable chills), strapped down and prepped by the time Cole got to come in.  He seemed extremely calm and confident to me.  A few moments, bad smells, and tugs later I could hear what sounded like a baby goat bleating and Cole could see them placing Camden in a bed for cleaning.  Literally a minute after that it happened again with Kimberlyn.  Cole was able to get up at this point and watch as they cleaned them at the beds.  I just remember hoping he didn’t turn around and see my guts sitting wide open and pass out!  Before long they brought babies up by my head where I could see.  My arms to still strapped down so I could touch them or even move.  I don’t remember saying anything or even feeling anything (still all SO surreal) I just remember smiling. 

 (first family photot)

After a few pictures and a quick kiss my brand new family was gone.  The next process seemed to take the longest to me.  It seemed like I was strapped down on that bed FOREVER while they put me back together.  Once they were done I was in recovery.  This again seemed to take FOREVER!  I could tell they were watching me carefully.   My blood pressure was really high and I had a fever of 101, I could see glimpse of worry in the nurses’ eyes.  About the time I started to feel kind of scared my mom came in, of course in tears (I am my mother’s daughter).  Her excitement for me and my new family made me forget about being scared.  Forget until I heard I wasn’t going to post-partum; they would keep me in labor and delivery for monitoring.  They were worried about kidney damage and preeclampsia.  I ended up having to do yet ANOTHER bag of magnesium, hopefully the last time in a lifetime! 

Being scared for my own health, longing for my babies, and the side effects of magnesium put me in no state of mind to see the many extended family members that had made the trip to come celebrate with us.  Although it was hard I asked to be left alone.  What made things even worse is that level 3 NICUs are behind closed doors.  Only parents, grandparents, and four people of our choosing (my sister, his sister, my best friend, his best friend) were allowed to see our babies.  They will be the only ones who will get to see them until babies are released to go home! This meant that the family that came to see us were sent away not seeing me or the Wild Things. This means that everyone who prayed for us, encouraged us, HELPED us will have to wait until babies are home and healthy.  Not that I was thinking about any of this at the time.  I was more just waiting for a break!  I thought that after delivery things all my pre-pregnancy problems would be gone and I would be back to healthy little me.  Overjoyed yet emotionaly drained....

(left) Camden Rock Cantwell: 3 lbs 13oz born at 2:21pm

(right) Kimberlyn Dawn Cantwell: 3 lbs 4 oz born at 2:22pm

the "BELLY DANCE" and 34 weeks

A hard start to a happy day; today is the 50^th day of hospital life and the day I THOUGHT I was going to go home.  They took me off pericardia (the muscle relaxer I was taking every four hours to not contract) two days ago in hopes it will help my platelet count go up and it did!  Hoping it will be even higher or even back to normal by early next week.  Things seemed to be moving up, but then they found that I am leaking protein, which could be a sign of preeclampsia.  Amazing I took the news really well yesterday and didn’t mind the idea of one more thing to watch for. 

But then I didn’t sleep well last night; I can’t lay flat because of heart burn but if I don’t recline enough I can’t breathe!  I woke up uncomfortable in many ways and just wanting things to be over and more homesick than ever!  All the issues I am having they say will leave with pregnancy; my kids are now 34 weeks so why not.  Of course after thinking it I started feeling guilty.  Why quit now when I’ve made it so far.  A few more weeks and we might be able to skip the NICU all together!  Of course that is my goal (and the doctors) but some days are easier than others. 

Usually when I’ve had a bad day I forget about it when I open the door to my house and have two fur babies shaking with excitement.  A few wags of the tail is enough to make all my worries go out the window; seems like these babies in my belly already have the same effect on me.  Feeling a little down I decided to listen to some music and maybe take a nap.  Camden and Kimber had other ideas in mind.  I caught part of their “belly dance” on video, defiantly enough to make all my worries go out the window!  They already make my day and make me laugh!

Excited tomorrow is Saturday and the “rowdy” crowd will be here to watch some college football!  Happy 34 you crazy little Wild Things!



Hakuna Matata!

Wow I just posted yesterday about the high hopes of going home.  Well….false alarm!  I said I wasn’t getting my hopes up but….I LIED!  Found out this morning that my platelet count is even lower than last time; to the point it is concerning; concerning enough to not go home.  Initial reaction was that of total disappointment and bubble busting!  Still not sure if it was the realization of not going home to my house and fur babies, the fear of being knocked completely out during delivery, or the fact that I already knew what was meant to be would be and not trusting my own beliefs. 

Luckily my sister was here with Ben.  Talking to her and that adorable little “hoot owl” kept my mind off things for most of the day.  After they left and I had time for it to sink in I called/text the team.  Off course they were all positive and reassuring that this all part of “the plan” and to stay strong.  What made me smile the most was a simple text from my little bro that said: no worries.  In the words of the Lion King; Hakuna Matata! 

           

Monitoring tonight was also interesting to me.  For the first 15-20 min of it I was having contractions every 3-5 min.  I couldn’t help but laugh!  It just made me think they were in there saying “Platelets is all you got momma? Well look what WE can do!”  So young and already little pranksters like their daddy!  J J Maybe I’m reading too much into it but it was enough to remind me why I’m here.  Even if we aren’t going home this weekend today is one day closer than yesterday!  Hakuna Matata!

HIGH Hopes

Today I have been in the hospital for 46 days!  Trying not to get too excited about going home on Friday because I know a lot can happen between now and then and don’t want to have a reason to be disappointed if we are meant to stay, but HOME has never sounded so SWEET! 

Many of my nurses have high hopes too!  Tonight could be my last night with my favorite nurse Shannon.  She takes care of me most nights and has done an amazing job!  She’s been there through my melt downs and has shared personal stories and experiences that have helped me through some tough times.  We have both gotten a little emotional thinking that this could be the last night of late night talks and laughs, but at the same time hope I won’t be here when she gets back from her mini vacation.  Another one of those mixed emotion kind of situations! 

YIPPEE for 33!!!

Happy 33 weeks you little Wild Things!  I never thought we would make it this far!  In fact I don’t think anyone did!  LOL!  My family and closest friends started a baby pool when I first got in here, just to help me pass the time and give me a reason to get excited for the next day…well out of 21 people only three are still in the running! One of which is me who choose tomorrow; not that I ever thought we would make it this far but I wanted to be hopeful! Even Dr. Fitzwater (one of my favorites) once said I wouldn’t make it past 32.  On his last visit he told me that not many people make him eat his words but I sure did.  All proof that miracles do happen; God is good, all the time God is good!

We’ve had good news and not so good news this week.  My platelet count is even a little lower than last (but not over concerning yet).  They will keep an eye on it on hope it goes back up by itself.  If it doesn’t it could be a situation that keeps me from going home and if it’s still low at delivery time could lead to a blood transfusion or being knocked completely out instead of a spinal tap or epidural.  Kimber’s Doppler number is still slightly elevated, but is good that it hasn’t gone from slightly elevated to abnormally elevated; another thing they will just continue to keep an extra eye on and could keep me from going home.  On a much happier note they measured and guessed the weight of the babies this week and both are weighing in right around 4 pounds each! 

So proud of our tough little Wild Things and amazed at how loved they already are by so many! 

Wahoo for 32!!!

I got so tied up in the excitement of the weekend and my many guest that I forgot to celebrate 32 with you!  Happy 32 Weeks my little WildThings!  A huge milestone for lung development and brain development!

I am now actually 32weeks & 5days!! Lots of things have already happened this week and lots of things left on the agenda.  Monday was another wild and crazy day.  I had some normal pregnancy issues (so they tell me) that are TMI for the whole world to read about, but did lead to extra test and extra evaluations.  They did a platelet count that showed my numbers are down; one of those things that isn’t a big deal yet but need to keep an extra eye on it.  We also had a regular sonogram done to check movement, heart beats, Doppler readings, livers, etc.  Everything looked great and babies are practicing breathing more and more, but Kimber’s Doppler number was slightly elevated, again one of those things they just keep an eye on. 

Tomorrow is another big day!  They will do a more intensive sonogram to check the normal things plus measure and weigh my little ones.  I FEEL like they have doubled in size, but I’m hoping for a pound a piece; which would take them to 4 pounds each!  They will also check my platelet count again. 

We have a new game plan: if I get to 34 weeks and am not dilated to certain point and babies still look great then I will be released to go home and start seeing my own doctor again.  Cole and I both had mixed emotions of this in the beginning.  We have become comfortable and confident in the care we have received and the caregivers who provided it.  On the other hand I am SO ready to see my fur babies, sleep in my own bed, and of course have babies in a hospital closer to home!  I’m sure it will be an emotional day, but for now we celebrate 32!  What is meant to be will be!

a weekend for the books!...

As previously written I was kind of bummed I was missing out on a few key events this weekend, so I am surprised to say the weekend is one that will go down in the books as a great time! 

Dad came down Friday night; he looked like a pack mule from all the snacks he brought me.  We spent all day Saturday watching college football and munching on my buffet of snacks.  The Aggies didn’t have a great game but not going to hate on them; I bleed maroon win or lose!  Then Dad got to take me for a wheelchair ride outside!  The first time I saw the sun (and anything outside the four walls of my hospital room!) in over a month!  The sunlight was almost overwhelming but well worth the squints!  Cole did a good job of sending me pictures and updates during Weldon & Alyson’s’ wedding reception and even said he wished I was there to dance with! 

Sunday was a day of great company.  Tiffany and Marshall (some college friends I hadn’t seen in years) stopped by on their way home from the wedding.  It was great catching up and seeing her baby pooch.  I remember when I was that small.  Clay and Violet stopped by on their way back from College Station and Mom, Wade, and Cole spent all afternoon with me.  Cole surprised me with a ROCK’N new pair of shoes (he knows the way to my heart)!  AND I got them on and tied all by myself!  Mom, Wade, Cole, and I ate a real meal, meaning no hospital food (steak, broccoli, and mashed potatoes to be exact!) at a real table!  Then they took me for another visit outside!   

As you can tell I had a great weekend for a number of reasons!  Another example of how I couldn’t do all this without my team and cheerleaders!

A Rollercoaster...

I’ve had a long week. Things are getting harder and harder.  I didn’t expect it any other way, just surprised how many mixed emotions I’m having at this point.  This past weekend I had “false” labor all day  Sunday.  “False” meaning I had contractions I could feel every 2-3 minutes but nothing that caused any other reactions.  Cole said I shouldn’t get so excited about college football on Saturday (man there were some good games on!).  Things have gotten much more uncomfortable over all.  Kimber keeps a foot in my ribs that make it hard to breath, and my indigestion is out of this world, even though I’ve cut back to PB&J sandwiches, applesauce, blueberry muffins, and cereal.  You know it’s bad when Cole offered to bring me Taco Bell (my fave) and I said heck no!

Plus this weekend holds many things I would be doing if not in here.  My mom turns 50 and even though she says all she wants is two healthy grandbabies I wish there was more I could do for her instead of her do for me.  Weldon and Alyson are getting married; they aren’t just good friends but family!  The kind of couple it’s healthy to hang out with because they truly care.  My sister and Paul are making the move from Houston to San Antonio and a wolf pack member has lost a grandpa with the funeral being this weekend.  So many people that have helped me and so many places I’d like to be to let them know I care…all while trying to stay positive about being in here. 

Today is when I almost lost it.  I couldn’t sleep last night and had a repeat of this weekend: contractions every 2-3 minutes which caused me to be hooked to monitors for hours to keep an eye on things plus multiple people in and out talking about what they would try to do IF it was full blown labor.  Thank goodness for Cole.  I had a mild breakdown and told him I was just ready for it to be over and that I was feeling guilty for wanting it.  He reminded me that “over” wouldn’t really mean “over” just different; a different reason for being at the hospital and a different type of worry.  He also reminded me that I could do it.  On top of being there emotionally he surprised me with a visit!  Even brought me a lunchable and chocolate milk! The only two things I’ve been craving!....other than a haircut and to see my pups.  Thanks Cole for being there…AGAIN.  

Feeling much better after writing this, even though I’m sitting here tearing up I know they are happy tears.  Bring on the weekend!

A Success Story

I know I just posted but today marks another big day! I wouldn’t call it a milestone and for sure not calling it a celebration more of a success story! Today marks exactly one month of Austin hospital living.  Success because I haven’t had babies and haven’t gone crazy!  In fact, many successes have come from this roller coaster kind of month!  I have become a stronger person: I made it through my week of break downs, I stopped crying every time Cole has to leave, and I’ve enjoyed my alone time (trust me this was a big step for me).  I’ve become a stronger Christian: I’ve been reminded of the important things in life, that everything happens for a reason, and the power of prayer.  And I’ve (we’ve) built a stronger marriage: this month has put a strain on our relationship in many ways but through it all we’ve proven our love and dedication to each other and to our new coming family.  Success story?  I would say so. 

little people BIG attitutes at 31 weeks!

Happy 31 week our little WildThings!  A few weeks ago this day seemed so farfetched!  I’ve learned so much about myself along the way and I’m proud to say I’m stronger than I ever imagined. 

Our children have been named the “WILDTHINGS” by some family and myself.  They move nonstop and have to be “seat belted” in for monitoring for different reasons.  No matter what nurse it is she leaves with for fingers crossed and says we will see how long they last today.  Cole wonders how we will control them out here if they are out of control in there?  They make me laugh.

My mom always said that no matter what we named them they would soon make their name “fit” their personality.  She was exactly right.  We are now 31 weeks to the day and have two totally different temperamental babies it seems. 

Camden tends to be laid back but sneaky.  It usually takes him longer to do his checkups and monitoring because he is on his own schedule; during checkups he’ll show a breath then take a nap, show a movement then take a nap… nurse Lily says boys are just lazier from the get go!  Nurse Kesa nick named him “Pooter Head” because he likes to hide from the monitor (usually behind my left hip bone).  He also likes messing up his tracing by sucking on his cord or having nonstop hic-ups or taking his time to show his accelerations! But man when he is on the move he is on a roller coaster!  They say he is using my cervix like a trampoline and I believe it; every once in awhile he takes my breath away.   

Kimber on the other hand is a tad prissy a tad sassy and loves attention.  She always seems to be posing for the camera in the sonograms and starts kicking or moving over when we try to take pictures of her brother.  She loves to get off the monitors by dancing over to a totally new location or kicking at the monitor which makes an offal loud sound just so the nurse has to come back and reposition her.  She usually does her acceleration in record time and goes above and beyond in her sonogram checks…as long as you ask her nicely.  I think her daddy is going to have his hands full!

 

They already share the special bond of brother and sister. 

The Fights: Early this week in the middle of a sonogram Camden reached over slapped Kimber on the forehead!  She wasn’t going to have it.  She then put her foot over her head a kicked him!  Ms. Ashley, the sono tech, and myself were hysterical, we had witnessed the whole thing!  A few nights later, while being monitored, Camden had the hic-ups (again) and I guess Kimber got tired of listening to him because after a few kicks from her direction he stopped.   

The LOVE: Sometimes their heartbeats are exactly the same so the nurses have to sit and wait to make sure we are picking up two different babies.  We have also captured one of their most loving moments on camera; a picture of them head to head with him kissing her on the forehead. 

Sooner or later we will get to meet our little Wildthings and see if their attitudes hold through.  No matter what we will love them forever and always. 

The Name Game

This post is dedicated to the names of the little ones we already love so much.  When we first found out we were pregnant Cole (like any man) wanted boys.  He envisioned them playing football together; one quarterback one receiver, a non stoppable team. I said I didn’t care but secretly wanted girls.  I think I knew that two girls were the only way I might ever get Cole to attempt a third child and since I have a sister and a brother, whom I cherish, I thought three was the perfect number.  All this said healthy babies were more important to us than gender and we knew no matter what we would love them unconditionally. 

Cole quickly started the name game.  I never knew if he was serious or joking!  If you know Cole his main objective was probably to make me laugh or see how fast he could get my blood boiling!  He started with Waylon and Willie.  It made perfect sense to him since we had gotten married in Luckenbach TX.  He often sang the very popular country and western song.  He then moved on to Rocky and Rudy after two of his favorite movies.  He thought it would be cool for them to have their own theme songs and again sang them often.  I can’t tell you how many times we watched these movies!    

Camden at 30 weeks



Kimberlyn at 30 weeks



After finding out we had the best of both worlds: one boy one girl we started a name list.  Any name that neither of us totally hated went on the list.  Being a teacher it was hard to hear a name without associating it to a child I had had in class.  Most of Cole’s names had something to do with guns or hunting and most of my names had to do with Texas towns or rivers.  We always seemed to go back to the C or K names.  After making a list and checking it twice we came up with Camden Rock Cantwell and Kimberlyn Dawn Cantwell (neither of which I had had in school!).  We both agreed to Camden pretty quickly and ever since I had said heck no to Rocky Cole had shortened it down to Rock; he had been calling his baby boy Rock for months now and it just seemed wrong to change it.  Cole actually came up with Kimber all by himself (of course it is the name of some gun) but I wasn’t completely sold on it.  After watching the college track finals on ESPN and hearing the name Kimberlyn I was in love.  My mom, dad, sister, and myself all have the middle name Lynn and we could call her Kimber for short.  Dawn is the girly spelling of Don my Granddad, an amazing man who loss his battle to cancer when I was in high school. 



Better Days Ahead

“I’m sucking on the bitter to get to the sweet part, I know there are better days ahead.” 

The theme song of my past week is Lemon Drop by Pistol Annies. 

It’s getting harder and harder to be my normal bubbly self while in a hospital.  Don’t get me wrong I’m not falling apart! Not to anyone but my husband and the occasional nurse.  Cole tends to get the worst of it.  I cry every time he has to leave and even when we talk on the phone.  This isn’t what pregnancy looked like in my head.  I thought I would be home bonding with my husband, having baby showers, setting up the nursery, and nesting. I still know I’m in the right place for the rights reasons I just miss home.  I miss my dogs and my “normal” life.  Not that my life will ever be the same as it was before my hospital days! J J

It hasn’t been harder on me just me either; it’s been harder on many.  It’s harder on Cole who dislikes seeing me hurting while not being able to do anything about it and hasn’t been able to come see me as much due to extra hours at the gym.  It’s been harder on my mom and sister who had spent so many hours of the day with me and now feel helpless from so many miles away.  All in all it’s just been harder.

While emotions run high good news does too!  We are now 30 weeks and going strong!  Cole and I took a tour of the NICU and it wasn’t near as scary or depressing as I thought it would be.  The visit made me feel much more confident about what’s to come.  At our growth check this week babies were up to 3 lbs a piece!  Seems so small but are right on schedule.  I am taking meds every four hours to keep my uterus calm but it seems to be working.  On top of all that I am currently IV free (the first time in almost a month!).  Dr. Fitzwater says as long as I mind my manors I can stay that way. 

Favorite memory of this week was my school baby shower.  It couldn’t have happened without my buddy Leanne who got a group of host together, set it all up, shared photos, and even made me a list of gifts (if only I could get her to write my thank you cards).  Looking at the pictures of course made me tear up.  Leanne made me into “flat Stanley” and took me around school and to various other places.  Definitely made me laugh!