My sweet little babies are a week old! I am completely emotionally drained but with each passing day things get that much easier. Here is what the week held.
The first day I was just emotionally tired. I loved hearing stories from my family of how my babies were doing, but it was also hard to listen to without seeing for myself. I had been the only one with them 24-7 for the past 34 weeks and now I was the only one who couldn’t see them.
Mom stayed with me the first two nights after having my c-section. The day of the c-section I didn’t think it was that bad. The next morning I took it ALL back! I hurt everywhere! Even though it hurt SO bad to move and walk I was determined to make it to the bathroom and back to bed so I could lose the dang catheter and go see my babies! Mom had to help me every step I took. In fact SHE was sore the next few days too! The time came and Cole and mom took me to the NICU for the first time. Cole amazed me! He already knew what all the wires were, what numbers meant what, the process of taking their temps, changing them, the whole works! He seemed to know so much and me so little that it almost made me feel not needed.
Dad spent the next two nights with me. Most of what I remember was the excitement of getting to go see my babies, the tiredness and soreness of being on bed rest and having a c-section, and the frustration of trying to pump. Since they were preemies younger than 35 weeks (by 5 days) they were started on donor breast milk. This would give me 5 days to get things rolling on my own. I know this wouldn’t be a job of most males but my dad stepped right up and was supportive and helpful through the process and so was Cole. Janet one of my nurses helped me too by celebrating each drop with me. I started my last blog on one of these nights as well. I found myself reading it silently and crying. All the other ones I had written I would finish and read aloud to my belly; my belly that was now empty.
Friday came and I was being discharged. Talk about overwhelming! I wanted to be home so bad but didn’t want to leave my babies! One of the case works from the NICU got me set up with the Ronald McDonald house staring on Monday. The plan was to spend the weekend at home and then the rest of the week at the RMcD house so I could take milk and visit every day without having to find someone to drive me. Dad drove me home. The ride was a little painful so I closed my eyes to rest. Next thing I knew we were exiting for home. Again I was overwhelmed with emotion. First time I had seen that exit in almost 2 months! My fur babies went CRAZY! I was so glad they hadn’t forgotten me.
Saturday Cole and I made our first trip back to the hospital. We were hoping for a nice relaxing “kangaroo” time. (They place one of our babies in just their diaper and beanie on your bare chest. They sleep and snuggle skin to skin for about an hour while taking a feeding through their tube.) I had done it the day before with Camden and absolutely LOVED it. I couldn’t wait for Cole to have the same feelings. It didn’t go as planned. Cole had Camden and me Kimber. Their alarms were going off every 5 seconds because they were forgetting to breath, Camden kept turning purple and Cole would have to pat his back to help him, other babies were crying…I hit bottom! The doctor came to talk to us before we left. She said they would be starting them both on caffeine that night to help develop their brain so they would stop having those little apneas. I cried on and off the whole way home with Cole holding my hand. That night Weldon & Alyson, Mom & Wade, Court & Paul, Ben, and Nancy came over and cooked fajitas. It was nice to be home and around people I love so much.
Sunday mom went with me to the hospital. Everything about Sunday made up for how scary Saturday was. No need for words, this picture explains it all....
God Gave Me You by Blake Shelton is the new theme song of my life right now. “God gave me you for the ups and downs. God gave me you for the days of doubt.” Through every step of this long emotional journey someone has been there to help me through it: certain doctors and nurses, my family, facebook, my friends, my husband, the lady with the twins in the bathroom, my babies, Mrs. Alice, (I could go on for hours) Happy 1 week of life my little Wild Things!
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